Everything about this first year was a challenge because I was learning how to mother you. I was learning how to meet your needs. I was learning how to balance being your mother, your daddy’s wife, an employee at my job, and student. But one thing is for sure, loving you was never challenging. Loving you was the most natural, simplistic, instinctive thing that has ever come over me. From the first sight of you, I was indescribably attached. My heart bursts with love and pride for you.
Our first days together are a blur. From feeding, to changing, to burping, to sleeping… the time became like a foggy window. Minute by minute and day by day we bonded. We cuddled and we figured it out together. I honestly cannot believe it has been a whole 365 days. You changed our lives forevermore.
At times I was discouraged. I questioned if I was doing this whole motherhood thing right. Were you getting enough milk during breastfeeding? When you were crying were you in pain? Questions like these circled my mind all day.
Other times we shined, together. We successfully maneuvered our day. From diaper changes to feeds to naps, we were in perfect rhythm. Every need effortlessly met.
But, I was still in awe that God would entrust such a perfect, beautiful, healthy baby to your daddy and I. We wanted to make sure that we did this parenting thing just right. But, that’s the thing…..there is not a “right” or “perfect” way to parent. It is custom and tailored to each as their own. You, my precious, boy not only taught us that but, so, so much more.
You taught me how to practice patience at 3 AM when you were screaming. All I wanted to do was sleep but, I woke, changed you, fed you, and there was this silent understanding of peace. The tiredness was felt but, God provided for me and taught me how to care for you even when I was weak. Even exhausted, the very sight of you changed, fed, and now sleeping peacefully on my chest brought me joy. I knew I needed to go back to sleep, after all, I was advised 100 times over, “sleep when the baby sleeps” but I would find myself sitting there, rocking you and watching the angelic site of you in peace.
You taught me about how happiness is truly in the small things. You were given a mountain of toys (which we are appreciative of) but you would find joy in the most simplistic of things like mama making a funny face or watching your puppy dog chase her toy. Your joy brought tears to my eyes and still does now.
You taught me to “go with the flow”. You quickly taught me early on there is no such thing as a true schedule in baby world. At times I resisted but ultimately you taught me to loosen up and enjoy the present moment.
You taught me about faith and trust. You trusted me every step. You knew I would provide for you no matter what. You reminded me to have that same trust in God. That no matter what was going on, to trust. You brought me closer to God and reminded me how faithful our Heavenly Father is.
Thank you for changing your daddy and I from the inside out. We don’t view the world as we did before. So, on this first birthday we celebrate you my sweet child. We celebrate the love, laughter, snuggles, and joy you brought to this earth.
We love you today and forevermore 💙