Motivated Mama

You are living in a state of crisis……the crisis of comparison. I am guilty of it and you are too. Comparing ourselves is a risky little gamble that we play into daily. You know what I am talking about. Your scrolling through your Instagram post just “to see what’s going on really quick”, well first of all, it’s never really quick and 30 minutes later you are comparing yourself to every other mother on the planet. But, you will do it again. Like when your dropping off your child’s Valentine’s Day treats at school and you become obsessed with the table of homemade treats that every other mom made and your holding the dreaded Public bakery pre-made cupcakes that were on sale. Your now comparing yourself to those other moms. Mom guilt starts to creep in and without even realizing it you have jumped over the edge, into the rabbit hole of self-pity. This continues until you see the next post that you compare yourself to and the whole ridiculous cycle begins again. It’s like a hamster wheel of hell and for some reason, us mamas just can’t figure out how to get off of the thing.

Whether we mean to or not, we DO compare ourselves. After scrolling Instagram and seeing that baby Bob that lives two houses down has learned to roll over and your baby who is the same age has not, doubt instantly creeps into your mind. “I am not doing something right”, “Why hasn’t my baby learned to roll over?”, “Is something wrong with my baby?”, “Am I a crappy mother?”. And if you just think I dramatized those reactions…. think again. Every mother I have talked to takes that leap of crazy questions. Why??? Because we live in a state of constant comparison. Even when we don’t mean to compare we do. Even innocent Facebook post can turn an already defeated momma down a spiral hole of what ifs? We try our best to not compare but every morning, Pinterest Pam is shoving her staged-organic Lemonade stand in our face. And oh yeah she makes it a point to tell you she donates every bit to charity.

Because of these constant showy platforms, we never think our parenting is good enough. We always think, “Well look at her kid posing for that picture so sweet. I must suck at disciplining my child because he would never do that”. What Instagram is not showing us is the ten minutes of pure screams, crocodile tears, and red face cheeks of the toddler who is screaming because all they want is the iPad and a cookie but oh NO we can’t do that because too much screen time and too much sugar is bad. And that makes you a bad mom.

Every. Single. Mother battles this and if you deny this…. you are lying. Here are just a few things we compare:

How well behaved or poorly behaved our children are. Our kid’s weights, heights, and how many teeth they have. Formula fed babies vs. breast fed babies. What we feed our kids. How we feed our kids. Disposable diapers. Cloth diapers. Pacifier use. Back or belly to sleep. Where our kids sleep. How long they sleep. Holiday treats for the class. Birthday parties. Monthly pictures. How well we upkeep a baby scrapbook. How our kids meet milestones. How clean our houses are? How often we wipe our baseboards. What kind of car we have. Our marriage. Our sex life. Our date nights.

Should I go on or do you get the picture?

These comparisons start to play themselves automatically in our head without our consent. If what we do is different than another mother we automatically think we are failing or falling short somehow. Instead of talking about it, moms just try to do more. We do more crafts for school, we buy nicer clothes for our kids, we stay up till midnight preparing a week worth of organic baby food just to feel we are worthy. But maybe that’s why some moms feel so alone, so defeated, and so tired. Because they are playing keeping up with the joneses but even the Joneses are lying because they are struggling too!

The sad thing is, moms don’t voice these concerns because society tells us that is weak. Society tells us to suck it up, work full time, be the perfect mother, work out daily, prepare a home cooked meal every night, and keep your husband happy. And if you fail at any of those things, your a crappy mother.

Well mamas, I am calling BS. It is time to take back what is rightfully ours. That is our sanity, our confidence, and our ability to be proud of the mother we are and the child we are raising. Be proud of the fact that you are a mother. We are doing the HARDEST job on the planet and we are trying so very hard at it. Raising children has not gotten any harder than when we were kids and children have not gotten worse, but the obnoxious in-your-face access to what everyone else is doing has and it has us spinning on the hamster wheel of comparison without us ever getting off. We are allowing society to drive us crazy and it has got to stop.

Here’s some big truth shedding on the dirty littles lies comparison is telling you. The truth is that your kids love you. They couldn’t do life without you. You are feeding them. Loving them. Nurturing them. Guiding them. They smile, they laugh, and they are growing. You have concocted the perfect routine for your baby that is tailored just for them. What you are doing is excellent. What you are doing is more than good enough….it’s GREAT.

If Jane down the street with the “perfect” Instagram feed, the “perfect” yoga body and the “perfect” husband wants to keep up her front of a “perfect” life she can. But I am throwing in my “perfect” towel and waving my flag of my motherhood style, which is what you see is what you get. If I want to post a picture of my backyard (that has not been cut in a week) with my little boy with Spaghettio’s on his face (and no they weren’t organic), with two big handfuls of dirt then I will. AND I will feel good about it, because that’s how we roll. Sorry, not sorry.

And remember this mama—
NO comparison, no other mother, and no mom guilt in the world can take away the glory you are in your child’s eyes. To them, you hung the moon. To them, you will ALWAYS be ENOUGH!

Being a nurse and mama is hard work. Heck, being a mom is hard work. Shoutout to the SAHMs who are rockin’ it daily (you truly are super stars). For years I watched co-workers step into the mama and nurse dual role and watched them try to find the perfect balance. Then I stepped into that same role and understood the weight of their struggles a bit more. When you leave your child and then continue the caregiver role in your career….it can be draining. We, nurses, see a lot of stuff at work. We see heartbreak, we see tragedy, and we see pain. But we also see life, divine intervention, faith, and healing. Whether you work an 8, 12, or 16 hour shift or whether you work in the hospital, outpatient, clinic, or rehab center. Nursing is hard. Period. And leaving your kid to care for others can pull on your heartstrings and make you second guess if your doing the right thing. 

This is a little letter that I wrote my child, from a mama & nurse’s standpoint:

To my sweet child,

I wake up and sleepily make my way to your room. I am greeted with your happy little smile and giggle when you see me. Some days I am greeted with screams because you are just ready to eat. But either way I am alwayshappy to see you. I get you changed and fed and spend the next 30 minutes or so playing with you. In between peek-a-boos and chasing you around I cook you breakfast. It normally is an Eggo’s waffle that I pop into the oven. I always grimace because I feel like I could do better. Give you “real food” instead of the pre-packaged, frozen, Wal-mart special. But I can make it quickly and spend more time with your smiling face….so Eggo’s it is again. After getting you dressed, I throw on my scrubs. Sometimes you start to whine because you know that means mama is going to work.

But I keep trying to make you laugh and distract you from the impending school drop off. I hate the drop-off process even though I know you are totally fine when I leave.  We get to school and some days you cling to me with big crocodile tears. I feel a lump creep up in my throat but know I have to keep a brave face for you. I smile and promise that I will be back and contemplate the entire ride to work whether I really need to work or not.

A million thoughts cross my mind: Is he going to cry all day? Do I only need to work part time? Should I spend more time with my son?

These are usually always followed by a phone call to your dad who quickly reminds me that you are fine.

Some other days at school drop off you leave me with ease. You are eager to go see your teacher and play with all of your buddies and turn around and give me a beautiful smile as if your saying,I am fine mama, I’m a big boy. My heart is always so happy that you are content but then my mama brain starts worrying that you are “too” okay without me. My mom-guilt sets in again:Am I leaving him too much? Should I change shifts to spend more time with him? Should I cut back my hours?

These too are always followed by a quick phone call to dad. FYI your dad really is a saint (most days).

Either way drop off goes, whether it is easy or difficult, I always think about the fact that I leave you at daycare to be cared for by someone else while I go care for other people.  Some days I really focus on this fact and think about if I am doing the right thing. But the truth is my dear child, caring for people is part of who I am. I really would be lost if I didn’t get to wake up, wear scrubs, and care for someone.

By the time I pull into the hospital parking lot, I am rushing. I power walk to the unit and try to hide how winded I am as I wait in the line to clock in. My coffee is usually cold by this point, hair messy, but for some reason I feel right where I need to be. See, I miss you so much but part of me feels right at home when I am caring for others. And I do feel that one day, you will be proud of your mom for doing just this.

I begin to work: assessing patients, making small talk with them, administering medications, educating them on various disease processes, treating their pain, ordering their food, ensuring they have the care they need when they leave the hospital, and the list goes on and on. The business of mama’s job makes the day fly by.

At times, I am hit so hard by the mom guilt. I feel bad for wanting a career and to be a mama. Sometimes the world makes me feel like I have to choose one. But, I want you to know that that is a lie. It is possible to love your career and love your child.  And I honestly feel like working and being your mama has made me better at both aspects of my life. It forces me to balance things, it teaches me to multi-task, it brings out my best qualities, and allows me to be a role model for you.

Don’t get me wrong, when the alarm clock sings, most days all I want is to stay cuddled up by your side. But I am always glad I went to work even when it was a crappy day because I am setting an example for you….

By being a nurse I hope I am displaying what it means to be selfless and honest. I hope I am teaching you what it means to be disciplined. I hope that I am showing you what it means to be committed to being the hands and feet of Christ. I know that I give up being your caregiver most days but, God is using me to be a caregiver to others just when they need it most. So, please remember that every shift worked and every hour clocked in that I miss you with every ounce of my heart. But please also know that God has a unique path for you. Just as God has used mom as a nurse, he will also use you to shine your gifts for others. And oh my child how I want that for you so very much. I hope one day when you are in my shoes that you understand and that you too are out in the world doing what God has called you to do. I hope in the end you know that mama being a working nurse made the time together so much sweeter, the hugs tighter, and the bond stronger.

Love Always, Your Mama

 

 

Everything about this first year was a challenge because I was learning how to mother you. I was learning how to meet your needs. I was learning how to balance being your mother, your daddy’s wife, an employee at my job, and student. But one thing is for sure, loving you was never challenging. Loving you was the most natural, simplistic, instinctive thing that has ever come over me. From the first sight of you, I was indescribably attached.  My heart bursts with love and pride for you.

Our first days together are a blur. From feeding, to changing, to burping, to sleeping… the time became like a foggy window. Minute by minute and day by day we bonded. We cuddled and we figured it out together. I honestly cannot believe it has been a whole 365 days. You changed our lives forevermore.

At times I was discouraged. I questioned if I was doing this whole motherhood thing right. Were you getting enough milk during breastfeeding? When you were crying were you in pain? Questions like these circled my mind all day.

Other times we shined, together. We successfully maneuvered our day. From diaper changes to feeds to naps, we were in perfect rhythm. Every need effortlessly met.

But, I was still in awe that God would entrust such a perfect, beautiful, healthy baby to your daddy and I.  We wanted to make sure that we did this parenting thing just right. But, that’s the thing…..there is not a “right” or “perfect” way to parent. It is custom and tailored to each as their own. You, my precious, boy not only taught us that but, so, so much more.

You taught me how to practice patience at 3 AM when you were screaming. All I wanted to do was sleep but, I woke, changed you, fed you, and there was this silent understanding of peace. The tiredness was felt but, God provided for me and taught me how to care for you even when I was weak. Even exhausted, the very sight of you changed, fed, and now sleeping peacefully on my chest brought me joy. I knew I needed to go back to sleep, after all, I was advised 100 times over, “sleep when the baby sleeps” but I would find myself sitting there, rocking you and watching the angelic site of you in peace.

You taught me about how happiness is truly in the small things. You were given a mountain of toys (which we are appreciative of) but you would find joy in the most simplistic of things like mama making a funny face or watching your puppy dog chase her toy. Your joy brought tears to my eyes and still does now.

You taught me to “go with the flow”. You quickly taught me early on there is no such thing as a true schedule in baby world. At times I resisted but ultimately you taught me to loosen up and enjoy the present moment.

You taught me about faith and trust. You trusted me every step. You knew I would provide for you no matter what. You reminded me to have that same trust in God. That no matter what was going on, to trust. You brought me closer to God and reminded me how faithful our Heavenly Father is.

Thank you for changing your daddy and I from the inside out. We don’t view the world as we did before. So, on this first birthday we celebrate you my sweet child. We celebrate the love, laughter, snuggles, and joy you brought to this earth.

We love you today and forevermore 💙

When your not treated kind by someone. It’s hard. It’s really hard.

It’s so hard to not act out in the flesh with a heated word or witty come back but instead to let God intervene on your behalf.

We’ve all been there. Whether it’s been a boss, a friend, a co-worker, or a loved one. Someone has mistreated you and sadly…is going to mistreat you again. They will misplace their insecurities onto you. They will tear you down, to build themselves up. They may say horrible things to you, lie about you, question your character, belittle you, or even ignore you completely.

You feel yourself shutting down, you feel upset, you feel powerless, and you want an apology. I encourage you to stop. Stop now.

The feelings of self doubt, sadness, fear, embarrassment….those are not of the Lord. God echoed to me, that he did not create me to cringe down behind hurt but to shine brighter in the face of adversity. God reminded me that In that moment of hurt, he would reward me double for my trouble…..IF I clinged to him, IF I danced in that storm, IF I believed, truly believed that he would handle the situation.

I encourage you today, to not allow someone to dictate your happiness, your livelihood, your emotions. You are the daughter/son of a KING that will provide for you leaps and bounds further than what you “think” you need or “think” you have to tolerate.

Those people may have earthly authority but God reigns far beyond that. No one can steal the joy God puts into your heart, no one can make you feel insecure without your authority, and no one can tear down what God created….which is you.

One of the most beautiful and sought after gifts in the world are diamonds. Diamonds just do not grow peacefully. Diamonds are made unique, beautiful, and shiny under immense pressure. God is using you and watching how you react when you are placed under pressures from others who may not treat you kind. Hang in there, Just like that diamond, God has a bright shiny future for you, to reward you for the pressure in which you have endured.

I was driving home from work already in a bad mood. It was one of those days where you did 100 things but felt as if you had nothing to show for it. I hated feeling as if I hadn’t accomplished anything in a day so I had already compiled a to-do list a mile long that I wanted to accomplish once I got home. This would be in addition to trying to fit in quality time with my family, pay bills, cook dinner, do laundry, and then get myself prepared for the next day. I could forgot having time to relax, I was already booked solid for tonight, I would have to pencil that in for another day.

So, I sat there in traffic and started calculating how I would accomplish all of this in my mind as if I was putting several pieces of a puzzle together to make the chaotic picture that is currently my life. In a effort to drown out my busy mind I turned on my iPod. I listened to a few beats of one song but for no good reason would skip to the next. I was never quite satisfied with any song I came across. That’s an ok song I thought, but I could find something better, faster, more upbeat. Yeah this next song will make me feel better. But with each song that came on I found the same discontentment. This continued until I found myself in my driveway.

When my feet hit the floor of my living room it was like I had entered a race. I quickly picked up my baby and started hastily on my to-do list one handed. I began performing chores, tidying up, and half-heartedly answering my husbands attempt at a conversation with me, even though he could tell my mind was elsewhere. The baby became fussy so I knew it was time for our nightly walk. Crap! I hadn’t penciled that in either, I thought to myself as I shuffled around tasks in my head. As we began our stroll I again turned on my iPod. It was a “okay” song so I listened into the first chorus. I quickly dug my iPhone out of the stroller and hit the skip button, but nothing happened. The song continued to play. I hit it again, nothing. This irritated me and I stopped walking and actually looked at my phone. With force I began to tap the skip button repeatedly but the song continued to play in all of its glory.

I stopped. As I looked down at my sweet content baby, kicking his feet and gazing out into the world- wide eyed with the background noise of the song playing loudly, happily, and upbeat I realized something. I sat there like a scolded dog with its tail between its legs. I hear ya God, loud and clear I thought with a smile on my face.

He was telling me stop.

Stop trying to skip over this song.

Stop trying to skip over this season of life.

Stop trying to skip into bigger and better, faster, and quicker.

Stop trying to skip over the challenges, the grind, the hardships, just stop.

Listen to this song, listen to what I’m trying to teach you in this season of life, you may actually enjoy it.

I so often make the mistake of thinking that I will be happy when I get where I am going. But is this ever true? It’s never proven accurate for me. So, in that simple moment I was reminded on my walk that the secret to being happy is to be happy now, not later, because later may never come. I smiled because God has a simple yet powerful way to make an impact on us. So me and my baby listened to that song and then I listened to where I was in my life. I may not have checked off all of my “to-do” list for the day but I was present with my baby, present with my husband, and presently truly happy. I’m trying to omit the skip button in my life, trying to enjoy the song God is playing for me, listen to the lyrics, and be present. It is in God’s presence, his song, his timing that happiness takes place. So next time you have the urge to skip, refrain, and see what God has in store.

To the one who made me a mama.
You’ve saved me in more than one way.
You changed my life for the better.
My life is not as simple as it was before nor is it as easy. But, you have given me fresh perspective.

I do not look the same as I did before. My eyes appear a bit more tired. My clothes are not brand new. My hair is never perfectly fixed and there are gray strands taking root where brown ones laid before. I don’t remember what it’s like to have a care free night out with friends or have 2 hours of alone time. But I do know that I wouldn’t trade the life we share now for anything.

I find myself getting impatient because you refuse to nap or catch myself feeling like a failure for not being able to keep a clean house or get somewhere on time. But, I am gently reminded of what is important when I look in your sweet, innocent eyes. I am reminded to take a breath, to smile and, To be present.

You’ve reminded me of what is important in life. You’ve taught me to slow down. You’ve given me a better outlook. You’ve shown me how to love, how to be selfless, and how to care.

For you will only be this little once. The nights of which you will only want me to rock you to sleep are numbered. Your hand tightly intertwined into mine will only take place for a short while longer. So we stay in this place, in this chair, rocking in pure peace. The chaos from my dirty house and long to do list can wait. The worries, fears, and anxieties of the world melt away when you are in my arms.

Today I am supposed to be celebrated but it is you sweet child who I celebrate today. The love I have for you is indescribable. It is because of you that I am a mother and it is because of you I have been changed for the better.

Have you ever thought about what your funeral would look like? Like who would come to mourn the end of your earthly life, the things they would have to say about how you lived, and how you made them feel. Because now  all that is if left of your human life is what you have left behind.  Would you be proud of your obituary or would you wish it read something else? This morbid and difficult question forces us to truly think about what we want to do in this human life. Is what we are worried about at this very moment important? Are we utilizing our God given talents? Are we happy? Coming to face with these questions can bring you out of the“rut in life” and put you back on the road to where God called you to be.

This is a topic I think about a lot and many wonder why I have been so stuck on this question. But, it is only when we think about death that we can truly think about life. When my best friend passed away suddenly in a car crash at age 24 I recognized that I am not here in this world forever I am merely passing through. It made me realize that if I am not using my life to be God’s vessel, then I have not yet truly lived. It was revealed in those dark hours that true happiness comes in the form of giving away of my gifts not, sitting back and just expecting & waiting on happiness to find me. God brought a question to my mind that day as I sat in the pew of my friend’s funeral, “What are you doing in this life? And what in this life will you leave behind to all of these people?” I thought about it and realized it sure isn’t my career, my home, my clothes, or my money. I had worked my entire life to achieve what I thought was the epitome of happiness. I went to school, worked hard in my career, bought things such as cars and a home, and yet day in and day out I was frantically searching for a purpose. The day of my friend’s funeral I recognized purpose in life comes from surrendering ourselves to God and actually letting him mold us into the person he created, not who we created. We might have created a “life” but, if it is not lined up with God’s life for us, then we will never really understand our purpose and be able to leave the legacy he intends for us to.

Legacy is defined as a thing passed down by a predecessor. The obvious things we pass down from generation to generation are possessions such as estates, jewelry, and wealth. But, if you think back in history and wonder about what was passed down I think of some very influential people and their legacy they left. First Jesus, his legacy is that he taught people about the saving grace of God and inspired people to live for God and in that promise will be brought to eternal life. His legacy is hope. Martin Luther King Jr. battled an entire country against racial inequality without raising one fist. His legacy is peace.  Susan B. Anthony is remembered for inspiring women to fight for their equality, she gave women hope in a hopeless time. Her legacy is courage.  Helen Keller, who was not remembered by the limitations of her handicaps but, how she overcame and excelled in life despite those limitations. Her legacy is determination. These people have been physically gone from this world for a great length of time, and most of them have few if any physical possessions left. So why do we remember them? We remember them because of how they made people feel and how they inspired people to live. They made people of their time question the way they were living and challenged them to be better. That’s what my best friend did, he challenged me to be better. That is the life I want to live. Maya Angelou sums it up perfectly when she said, “At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” Your legacy is your reminder to the world that you made a difference in the lives of others, and through your legacy whether it is hope, courage, determination, or kindness will leave this world in a better shape than it was before you got here. The cold hard truth is that your funeral could be next, what will your legacy say about you?